What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
