we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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