He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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