worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
tell me about the fingering
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