what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
