Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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