wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
