I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
