so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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