i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
