everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
