Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
