i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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