So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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