Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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