I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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