Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
