i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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