I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
