you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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