Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
