My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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