I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
