FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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