I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
