my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wear drunk well.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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