I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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