New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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