She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize