Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
