the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
