Whod you bang
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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