I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
