garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
