I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
