woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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