is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
