if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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