Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
sex in a hospital.. check
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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