I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So here I am, sexting at work.
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