we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize