I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
