someone threw a dead crab at me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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