if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
