walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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