Pappa wants mamma naked
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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