All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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