i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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