In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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