is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this is an emotional support booty call
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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