haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
