I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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