I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
