if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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