If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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