Nicole vs. Life
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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