this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
