she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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