where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
