Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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