I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize