dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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