i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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