Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
