I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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