If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
