I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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