i barfeds in our rink
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
