After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
