Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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