a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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