i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
