So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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